Ok, Lysa has been pestering me to update her bout my life here, back in Kuching. Ok baby, here goes..
I am glad that I am the only person in this world to call you Lysa, and being the only one. *beams proudly* *Grins* you know what, life has been good. I am now, venturing in a 'relationship'. Yeah. I know right?
School life; hmm... psychology is treating me good. I love every single bit bout it. At least I know that sexual orientation is gonna be discussed in topic 10. And I am doing my assignment on 'sexual disorientation'. Hey, be my subject, will you?
I do miss the life in KL, though hectic, the pay is good, even if you work part time. I guess all the clubs do miss me too. :)
Bout the epic movie, it is still on going. Pretty much like Harry Potter, its not going to end unless J.K. Rowling "kills" Harry. So, I am waiting for the producer to come down to Kuching and discuss the script with me on bed professionally. *winks*
Other than that, hmmmmm... Oh yeah. I am now being referred to as "minah rempit Sarawak yang tak ada standard". The one who set the standard, unfortunately, is abusing substance, alcohol and damn social. So I am pretty much confused about the standard. The way I make myself feel better bout it, "Orang HAWT memang banyak orang dengki. So I have to live with it. And only famous people gets death threat." and Lysa, little did I know that I am actually famous.
Har har... Isnt my life interesting? Oh.. even at my part time workplace now, there's some drama going on. Guess what? I am the main cast too. :P
p/s: Ask me anything. I will be happy to fill you in. I am not that good in story telling.. *lies*
All hail to the best actress of the year!!!! Yours truly. Why you ask, oh well, I am starring in another drama that the director insist that its going to be an EPIC movie. Oooh.. did I mention the director is also the main cast in this epic movie?
Details soon... Stay tuned..
p/s : Psssst... Lysa, if your reading this... buzz me and I'll give you a free pass to this drama of my life..
You're not alone Together we stand I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand When it gets cold And it feels like the end There's no place to go You know I won't give in No I won't give in Keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you There's nothing you could say Nothing you could do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through So far away I wish you were here Before it's too late, this could all disappear Before the doors close And it comes to an end With you by my side I will fight and defend I'll fight and defend Yeah, yeah Keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you There's nothing you could say Nothing you could do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Hear me when I say, when I say I believe Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah La da da da La da da da La da da da da da da da da Keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you There's nothing you could say Nothing you could do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Keep holding on Keep holding on There's nothing you could say Nothing you could do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through [Thanks to Derek (firstname.lastname@example.org) for these lyrics] via http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/avrillavigne/keepholdingon.html
When I was facing that hard time with break ups and coming back home and all that. I tend to channel all my energy elsewhere.
I am a person who is used to texting that someone, when I lost that someone, I turned to my friends so they will accompany me.. I have few shrinks when I was in that phase. Lysa helped me a lot. And Jojo too!! Not forgetting, Jaclyn Low, my baby.. Yeah these are all my girlfriends. Jac was the one who helped me to get up and start all over again. I know I know... You must be wondering who is Chowberiey Heart on my FB relationship status which was set to have a relationship with. She is one of my friend during college time. Crazy ones. She is the one who layan my crazy texts and coincidentally, she was having some rough time to forget her ex. So, we've created drama on fb. Calling each other baby or darling, you name it, we've used it. Reason = to show that we have 'moved on with life'.
So why is my FB relationship status is set with yet another friend. This friend of mine just broke up.. And like me, this friend need that safe and comfort zone. What goes around comes around.. Few months ago, this friend of mine gave that helping hand and gave an awakening bitch slap (literally). So, its my turn to help.
Dont judge something when you merely know bout the shit that people are facing.
oh well... you stand out of all the rest.. you know why? cos you survived the critical season! you survived... It's not over yet.. but u've made it my dear!
apekah? tetiba merepek.. You see, there's this drama. And I am somehow one of the cast, main cast mind you.. but the thing is, i didnt know that I was involved in this drama till today. But im amused by it. :) Cos I dont wanna dwell in it.
Who cares? Says my colleague. Apparently, i care.
And Mary, I cant put my mascara on bottom lash with mouth closed. And no girls look cute when they are putting on their mascara... Seriously!
Oh................. its been awhile.. i didnt even finish the 10 days posting thingy.. damn it.. im not good at keeping promises...
ok ok.. updates people... i am now fully recovered from the traumatic break up... as a drama queen, obviously it will be damn dramatic and emo and all that.. but im over that... just waiting for my cash to flow in..
ii. im doing psychology now.. yes people... im going to read ur mind...
iii. im starting to look back and realised that i've taken for granted some stuff... and these stuffs r actually the one who was there for me....
iv. im think im having a crush... i think i am....
2. Penipuan. This is such a turn off. It is worst when the liar kantoi. Aka, liars. oh... make that a player that lies till the liar is confused with all the lies and cant even differentiate which is lie and which is not.
3. hmmmmmm..... waiting... i dont like waiting either. I really dont like waiting...
4. People who owe me money and doesnt pay me back. thats a big turn off.
day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
- What to have for lunch / dinner. Sometimes, breakfast.
- You!!!! Yes you. Cos I can see who read me. :P
- AirAsia. Those red skirts, aint that hot?
- Psychology. Since I am always taken for granted, I think I should take this professionally to avoid it in the future.
- CAR!!!! WHITE COLOUR PLEASE!
- Moneh! Ways of making it. Ways of getting it (back).
OOOOOOh... The way you lied to me, the way you cheated on me, the way you made me happy and sad before the most pathetic "its me, not you" thing happened, nearly made it into the list. But sadly no....
day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
1. Mommy = "Can i repierce my tongue?" I will do the dishes and behave!!
2. Daddy = " Can i take psychology instead?" I will ermmmmmm.... pay for the car?
3. Lysa = Pics soon!! My brother n sis took silly picture yesterday!
4. Jac = I miss you babe! and the silly jokes, ye.. memang i chomel dengan lawak i yg datang tepat pada masanya.
5. Betty = Lets do the piercing together!!!! or, u do piercing i do tattoo!!
6. Kairy = Thanks love for being there for me before this!!
7. Donaille Wong Shiau Thong = Thanks for everything. But no thanks for the drama, I've got my own drama to handle, in case you forgot. I am the drama queen that used to star in every play of yours. Now, I quit, you can ask her to star in your play. Lets see if she is up for it.
8. Li Teng = Joe, thanks for taking ur DD away from me. I guess DD is urs to handle now. So, handle it with care. Dont provide me with any drama of yours just because you found some shit belongs to me. We stayed together before, whatya expect? huh? You are the one who wanted it so much. throwing money all around just cos you got it. Embrace it now hun!
9. TC = I dont know if you still read me like u used to. I dont even know if you blog like u used to. I guess there are lots of catching up need to do. But I cant do it on my own.
10. To anyone who reads this = thanks for everything. Whoever you are, you have been with me on my journey in discovering life. Being with me through the ups and dows. Thanks. Soon the days of unhappy post will end, and will be fun filled again!
Got this from Lysa, she got it from her tumblr, whoever put it on tumblr, thanks!!
"day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. day two: nine things about yourself. day three: eight ways to win your heart. day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot. day five: six things you wish you’d never done. day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever) day seven: four turn offs. day eight: three turn ons. day nine: two smileys that describe your life right now. day ten: one confession"
I woke up one day and realised that I can finally say I just woke up from the bad dream. Yes, I do still reminisce on the good days and all the memories of what we had been through. I dont regret all the good times. How I wish I can say that I dont regret the bad times but it is part of the good times too.
I realised that I've been lied to a lot, but then, I realised that you do, do not did, that to everyone too. I can list down all the lies that you told everyone, but it doesnt do me any good, and neither to you. I thought I was special, but those are just words uttered from your sweet little pie hole. So, why should I be so upset about it, right? (Trying hard to console myself over all the lies)
I've been begging for a second chance to be with you, but I do no good for you. Then I realised, I should really give myself a second chance in life, with of without you. I should decide to go back or not at all. I want to disappear but I've been doing that to everyone who had been in my life before. I want to change that, starting with you.
Jac, how I wish you read this too.. And you'll go all blonde and tell me to not dwell in it and dont get myself hurt again. Thanks for entertaining my midnight calls and sms, consoling me and being there for me.
Fiz, thanks for letting Jac entertain my emotional cries and letting me 'cook' at your lovely home.
Lysa Lang, you... you're my blonde sistah too... you should meet Jac!! Thanks for being my shrink. Too bad we didnt meet up during my last days in KL. But if I visit you, I will stay a night or two at ur vacant room and scare your housemate with the lack of clothes too... haha... Just make sure ur bonyo closes her eye... :P Too much free show, no good. p/s: The season is almost over, I have pairs who are standing strong through this 'monsoon' season.
Mimi, I know mimi doesnt read this but she too, helped me a lot during the hard times.. mimi, u pierced ur nose ady, and i still owe you one piercing! will post it up when i get it done!!
not forgetting Kairy!! Kairy has been there for me for I dont know how long, entertaining my blonde joke and my cries of pain late at night or better yet, early in the morning. distance and time wont let this friendship drift to nothingness.. At least I hope so..
And you, Thanks for the lesson of life. I learnt more and more just by being with and without you. I've to learnt it the hard way, yes. But thanks. I guess someone like me just had to learn it the hard way huh...
Recently everyone around me broke up.. Okay, not everyone, but some. The thing is, the reason is almost the same.
A: The other half is cheating.
B: The other half is having a scandal behind the other half, which is A.
Hm.... Why cant it be simple? I mean why cant just love a person just as much as they love you? Especially after you have been together through all the ups and downs of your life, helping you through when you have major trouble...
Oh well people say, "Manusia senang lupa." I guess thats so true...
For those who do not notice or know, I moved back to Petaling Jaya area after staying in Ampang for 10 months. Nearer to college and workplace = save more money!!
But, looking for a house is the chore that I hate the most. I dont like walking around housing area under the sun, nor do I like browsing newspaper for the "House for Rent / Sale" advertisement.
Just recently (I mean after settling down in Sunway area), I found a website, CariBilik, Malaysia's largest and No.1 Room For Rent / Room To Letwebsite, with over 30,000 rooms for rent posted online all across Malaysia, Ampang, Kuala Lumpur, Bangsar, Cheras, Setapak, Damansara, Petaling Jaya, Subang Jaya, and Penang, (actually almost the whole Malaysia, I even tried to search for rooms in my hometown, Kuching)
This website, is very systematic and user friendly. Just type the area that you would like to stay and you are showered with various choice. You can even specify the type of house or room that you are looking for. If you are concern and sharing the same belief with your new housemates, you can restrict the search and find a house that is occupied by certain believer.
If you have stumbled upon my blog from Singapore, you can have a search in your country as well. Just head on to their homepage and select your country..
Right at this moment, Cari Billik is only available in Singapore and Malaysia.
- right now, I am not so sure. Like really, I do commitment, expecting the exact same thing from my partner.
W: "First, if D comes back to you, can you accept D's bad habit, I mean, D cheated, can you accept that?"
- I will accept the fact that D cheated on me before, the same way that I accept the fact that D had slept with other girls before me.
W: "Second, since D has cheated on you, J will obviously come running back to her, or text or call or go out with D. Can you deal with that?"
- I dont think I can. But I will try, besides, cheating to me, is when you have feelings for someone and act on it. So, if J come running back, and D ignore the whole thing. It will be nothing. Right?
W: "Third, are you willing to be the third person in the relationship? If D chose to be with J?"
- I will right now, but cant promise that I will accept it in the long run. After all, why fight for a battle with no chance of winning when the battle is over. It is okay to fight for love, but it is not okay when you are fighting alone.
J is with some random people that we shall call T (yes, they are together).
A is hanging out with friend that we shall call W in a place we shall refer as MV.
So, D is with J, emotionally attached perhaps, or maybe just material based r/s. D and J was walking and met A with W. A is fully aware that D is with J. So, A is cast a smile and continue talking to W.
So, J asked D, "Why is A with another butch who-is-actually-W? why A saw you but no reaction?"
So my question is, who is J to ask this kind of question when she is supposed to be with T, the designated partner, she hang with D, the one who is attached to A.
So, J, this is my two cents.
I mean do you get what I mean, it is as if you are trying to say that A is cheating when all this while, you are cheating on your T? You don't have any rights at all to even comment on that. If you are the holy saint and goody goody type that doesn't cheat. Run back to your T and get on with life.
Then, what do you expect A to do?? Attack you in public so that you can have a point of saying that A actually attacked you in public and D should leave A for embarrassing J in public? Don you think that what A did is very mature? Ah well, I guess, J is too childish in that matter.
I just dont get what J is trying to do, hey, bored of relationship, dont be in one. It takes commitment, trust, lots of sharing, love. Okay, the key point here is commitment. It takes effort to be in commitment, really, it does. If you are acting like this, you will suffer the whole time. What will all the curses that you are going to have.
J, get over it.
+ + + + +
So, this is what A talked to W about.
W: "Do you still want D?" A: "Yes, cause I do love her so much." W: "Okay, now I want you to think about this." A: "Okay, what is it?" W: "First, if D comes back to you, can you accept D's bad habit, I mean, D cheated, can you accept that?" A: "I think so..." W: "Second, since D has cheated on you, J will obviously come running back to her, or text or call or go out with D. Can you deal with that?" A: ".............." W: "Third, are you willing to be the third person in the relationship? If D chose to be with J?"
I guess A have a lot to think about in this few weeks to come...
Disaat kamu ingin melepaskan seseorang ingatlah pada saat kamu ingin mendapatkannya
Disaat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta padanya
Disaat kamu mulai bosan dengannya ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya
Disaat kamu ingin menduakannya bayangkan jika dia selalu setia
Saat kamu ingin membohonginya ingatlah disaat dia jujur padamu
Maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untukmu Jangan sampai disaat dia sudah tidak disisimu, Kamu baru menyadari semua arti dirinya untukmu
Yang indah hanya sementara Yang abadi adalah kenangan Yang ikhlas hanya dari hati Yang tulus hanya dari sanubari
Tidak mudah mencari yang hilang Tidak mudah mengejar impian
Namun yg lebih susah mempertahankan yg ada Karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga Ingatlah pada pepatah, "Jika kamu tidak memiliki apa yang kamu sukai, maka sukailah apa yang kamu miliki saat ini"
Belajar menerima apa adanya dan berpikir positif Hidup bagaikan mimpi, seindah apapun, begitu bangun semuanya sirna tak berbekas Rumah mewah bagai istana, harta benda yang tak terhitung, kedudukan, dan jabatan yg luar biasa, namun..
Ketika nafas terakhir tiba, sebatang jarum pun tak bisa dibawa pergi Sehelai benang pun tak bisa dimiliki Apalagi yang mau diperebutkan Apalagi yang mau disombongkan
Maka jalanilah hidup ini dengan keinsafan nurani Jangan terlalu perhitungan Jangan hanya mau menang sendiri Jangan suka sakiti sesama apalagi terhadap mereka yang berjasa bagi kita Belajarlah tiada hari tanpa kasih Selalu berlapang dada dan mengalah Hidup ceria, bebas leluasa
Tak ada yang tak bisa di ikhlaskan Tak ada sakit hati yang tak bisa dimaafkan Tak ada dendam yang tak bisa terhapus.
Years back, when we first met. We were so in love. After awhile, you realised that you are starting to fall out of love, but falling for someone else.
How do I know that all this while you are in love with me? Are those just sweet words that you utter to every single lady that you have ever met?
People around me say, I am the only stupid girl who can tolerate your attitude and behaviour. I guess I am idiotic enough to be played till the level where I am just being left to crash and burn after flying so highly in love with you.
You say, I am the only girl in your life that understands you the most. I guess all the understanding fade away too.
I've changed. Thats what you say. Let me see, I took care of you when you were sick. You called me at night saying that you have fever and cant eat anything but porridge, I left campus at night, with almost empty pockets. Rushed to your place to cater for your need. Well, those are just the memories that we cant dwell much, it will hurt more.
Maybe I am just another plot in your life. Another trophy to parade around. And now you have a new trophy, may that trophy serve you well.
Every single thing in our life, happens for a reason. Every single step that we take, are predetermined by power that is too complicated for us to comprehend. And the best part, what goes around, comes around.
People says; "love is powerful, it will change you." How true is this? To me, its really true. People change to be better and all. But once the green monster takes over, one can really change to be better or worse.
So, what if you changed, negative?
Someone told me that I had changed to be the worst lover ever. I admit, I never really realised all the changes that took place. Maybe I was in my comfort zone, thinking that the way I love them is the true way of showing my love to them. I am a person who cant really show my love for them. Maybe I did it the wrong way. Confront me and tell me what you want, I will be your mirror and reflect everything that you want, just because I love you.
What if you've changed and they still dont cherish you?
Take the chance I guess. If I am changed to a better person, if that someone cant really cherish me, thinking that I cant give them everything that they want, maybe it was just meant to be that way. A friend of mine says, there are reasons that people from the past cant make it into your future. So, I guess its true. Everything happens for a reason, whatever reason that may be. If this happens to me to give me a wake up call. I guess I am awake, though half awake, still blinded by the love that I have for this person. Honestly, I dont have the strength to walk away, the strength to forget everything the strength to stay away.
But they have treated you so badly, isnt that a true wake up call?
It is a wake up call, but there is a malay saying, "bertepuk sebelah tangan tidak akan berbunyi." There are nothing that happened onesided. When we are pointing one finger toward others, remember that there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. Whatever that seems like fault of others, may caused by ourselves. I guess when shits happened, we humans would rather find something to point its at fault. Human nature I suppose.
What are you going to do if it doesnt work out?
I dont know. I really dont. Like I said, I dont have the strength to walk away, I dont have the strength to stay either. Commitment is a big responsibility for people with connection, especially when it felt like a burden for others. Relationship needs time, needs love, needs sacrifice.
So What if they dont want to sacrifice anymore?
This is a major problem. If changes is needed in a relationship, then changes will it be. If more sacrifice are needed to be done, sacrifice will it be. If changes wasnt cherished, i guess thats one of sacrifice that have already been made. Appreciation...
If you walk away, will you change to the worst?
Maybe not, maybe those changes will be the memoir for the relationship that we had, the time that we spent ( or wasted if that is how they look at it), memories we had together, all the ups and downs.
So, to change or not to change?
If changes is what I need to sacrifice to get you back. I will.
People all around me has always thought that we are the happy couple around. With less conflict than they can imagine. On the inside, like any other couple, problems arise and settled making the relationship as strong as ever.
Commitment is a very big responsibility. Commitment makes you share the joy and tears. Commitment needs sacrifice. Would you sacrifice your love for someone who can cherish it? You will not know whether you are being cherished until conflict arise.
Happy couples don't mean they're all set for marriage. Troubled ones don't mean it won't work out. Sometimes being together for too long may cause boredom. Sometimes doing too many things together all the time might lose the spark. Sometimes distance DON'T make the heart grows fonder. Sometimes differences DO matter. Sometimes it isn't because of trust, it is because the feelings are just gone. (from Hot Chocolate)
Maybe thats why everyone need a break. 7 days... I only have 7 days... I know what I want in my heart, but I may not succeed if its for my own desire.