I was chatting to a few friends when she recommended this test to us.

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 4.19

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0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

After the stroll in a new gay friend's blog, came across to this quiz.

I actually scored at 80%. The result was;


The Gaydar Test

Try Again You impressively scored 80% Try Again




"Definitely time to get tested."


You personally got 16 of the 20 people correct and were better at recognizing girls than guys. Overall, you guessed better than 87% of all test takers.

Think You Can Do Better?

Come and challege me.

The friend that I was talking bout is Linda.

yes. i was laughing my ass off!!! read this! guys, no offence!




Mum:

i was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked:
"Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test.

You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy.

"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.

When you're finished laughing, send this to a Mom!!

After boardwalking in a forum, I saw a few links that intrigued me.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

Then, the next thing is ....

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

I went out with a few friends last night. It was a blast. I had fun dancing. lol. My friends thought that I have to be under alcohol influence to dance.

They say I was tipsy.. yeap!! TIPSY on the coca cola... I accidentally broke a glass when I was having fun with a friend named Monkeybeads. LOL..

Then there was Angel. Okay.. I maybe a teaser but then hey.. I was tipsy on the coke la.. I had what coke since in nirvana.. :)

I love going to school. And I had a great time.

(she havent called yet to tell me anything, she was so drunk.. ahaks.)

Ignore the title. but i am too in love with someone that i didnt want to let go.

i moved on.. u shows me signs that u dont want me to. and u dont want anyone to know that fact.


u moved on.. and ur telling the whole world bout it. well, i dont like the whole world to know bout it too.

There is this one malay idiom that I am not sure of the existence. It involves the word 'pelanduk'. I think its ' ibarat pelanduk yang tidak melupakan jerat' or is it? all i know is, it means, you tend to forget the thngs that you've done to your vic but the vic wont ever forget bout it. erm... Betul ke ni?

run.. run away like you always do. and you're doing really good there. haih... immatures. come a problem, then run. create a trouble here. then run. fuck a girl here, then bag there. ow shane.. that is so you. only you know what i mean here. good luck running cos u need a lot of that.

i have a lot in my plate now.. i seriously do.. haih.. past is catching up. Truths are revealing themselves. victim vitimizing the vic. yeap. its complicated but hell~~

Liars will never accept or face the truth.
liars will never move on.
liars will remember all the lies.
liars will regret their lies soon.
liars will never stop lying as liar thinks that life is a lie.
liars will treat everything as a lie


victim = learn the bitter truth
victim = realise that fact of being victimise
victim = move on and get on with life
victim = will realise and remember all the lies
victim = will never fall for the same liar

I need a time out. I dont like the way u treated me. ur just the same with everyone that i know. damn it.

i dont even know why i trusted all ur sweet talks before this. damn it girl. dont do that to me. i am broken, i dont need you to break me.

im not into good mood now. its because of my hair. thats it. jo! lets go drink if ur in KL when ur reading this. *sigh*

Long time no diary post.. Its been hell of months here in a new place. i've been trying to adapt. trying to find new friends. im loud.. but i will get extremely quiet when i m around new people. haha.. but my friends, i mean the friends that i knew way back before i get to Um has been really great to me. L, Z, and hell lots more are helping thru shits that ive gone thru. A good listener ha~.

Lately, i feel really lonely. i really dont know why. as in, i feel like i need someone to listen to my rants, be there when i need someone, talk to me, pampers me, and stuff. i mean doing what a lovers do i guess. but im not ready for any love life.. im not ready for ay commitment. but yeah, i need that someone.

someone to hold my hands when im alone, someone to wipe away my tears, someone to hold me, to hug me when im shuddering in fear, someone to love me, loving me for who i am. sigh.. sounds like i need a lover or sumthing. lols

so, who wants to be my part time lover? cos i dont love, i want to be loved. haha.. not fair is it? thats why my pendant has all the 'retard' heart shape. talking bout heart shape, i saw a heart shape necklace with nice messages on the pendant in VINCCI when i was accompanying Zuey buying her pumps. *love your red pumps Zuey* damn... its nice but i didnt get it. cos i got hell lots of necklace in this 2 months. but i really love it... anyone wanna get it for me? please? i really love it. really really do...

ow yeah.. today i went out with Zuey to Bukit Bintang. We just went around BB and buy lotsa stuff, AGAIN. there is this Corset like thing that i saw in one of the shop. its so damn nice. but again. Im BROKE. so i kiss the corset goodbye. tsk tsk.. its really sad. what did i saw again just now that i want?? hm.. yeah.. its the top that Zuey bought. its black and white stripe-y shirt. damn nice Zuey!! haha.. later we tukar tukar macam biasa ar.. ahaks

Zuey bought lucky clover chain to put on her jeans. its nice.. hihihihih.. and im jealous of that. but one thing we both were amazed was, we were able to walk in pairs of uncomfortable shoes (but cute) for what, 3 hours, non stop. haish.. special ability i guess.

ow yeah zuey... today, i dont sesat. as in i went on the right train. hihihihi.. shhhhhhh.. kita jak tau tuh.. L tau juga la. terus kena cop lousy. ahaks..

Guess what, last night i went out with someone. it was great. *thinking of more words* o yea! it was GRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Let go!
A part of you says
But how
How can you let go
Of the love of your life
When another part of you
Is telling you
To hold on

I’m smothered
By my own self
By my choices given
Am I going to fail?

My mind and my heart
Is battling in me
Will I be shuddered?
Will I be damaged?
From this combat
Of my own
A battle beneath my skin

No! No! No!
I won’t let it take over me
Won’t let it torn me apart
Won’t let it poison my body
I won’t..

I will have faith
Have faith in Him
He will lead me
I know

Day one

Its 29 of May and I felt that it was still early to go back to kampung and prepare for the Gawai celebration. I was quite reluctant to go back but it’s a family gathering as well. Besides, I didn’t go back last year since I was studying in Labuan Matriculation College. The reason I was hesitant because the next day is going to be my friend’s or my sister’s birthday. I wanted to be there for her. Though not physically be there.

When we reached home (kampung), my dad told us that our cousins is having some dinner which we need to attend. So, I took my bath then we went to the ceremony. I was the only one who is eager to go.

We spent the night in my dad’s kampung. So, I have the chance to text my friend. My sister! I spent the time texting her. I missed her so much. It’s been a month since we last met.

I slept around twelve after all the tossing and turning. Haha. Is it obvious im missing someone?

Day two

The first thing I did in the morning was…. Nope! U guessed it wrong if u say I texted someone. I took a drink, then I texted my sister, a birthday wish for her. She is happy but I’m not happy enough. She spent her time with me on my birthday. I appreciated that.

We spend the next three hours texting each other. Around noon, we drove back to my mom’s kampung. I spent 1 hour or so in the pool. And now I’m having a quite severe headache. Maybe it’s from the heat and the constant traveling that we had since few days back. Sigh.

My aunt and my mom went cooking for long hours just now. Like a really long one. they cooked the babi, itik and ayam. Lol. Yeah, I didn’t lend a hand. I’m not so helpful, since I need to send a lot of things to my grandma and uncle and aunty. So, I was on the road all the time. I wasn’t driving my dad’s car though. I, erm……, drove my granddad’s dirt bike. Kidding! It’s his motorcycle.

Another day passed by. Another three days to go. Or maybe four, who knows.

p/s: I’m having a fever too. And it seems like my allergy is coming back. My mom says that it comes because I ate a lot of pork. But it was there since yesterday, I think.


Day three

Today, I spent the whole day at home without going anywhere. I took a so called swim in the morning, and then had lunch. My granddad doesn’t have Astro, so my sibs and I watch some movie on the VCD. I think we watched Aeon Flux. That’s my guess coz I slept after half an hour then woke up ten minutes before it ended. I think it’s quite nice so im going to watch it again later. The VCD wasn’t mine so I’m going to copy the entire movie so that I can watch it during my free time. The movie itself is quite futuristic. I love it. I love Aeon’s suit.

Tomorrow’s going to be the “Gawai” day. Everyone except me had waited so long for this day to come. I am such a drama queen. I’m not so excited since I didn’t celebrate it last year.

My mom says that we are going to my grandma’s house later tonight. Sigh.. I hope this is for real. Lol

* * * * * * * * * * *

Yeah! Went to kampung at around eight at night, few of my aunts are there. There is my aunt that I’m quite close with cos our age difference is only six years away. She invited me to spend the night at the kampung but I didn’t have any transport to go back home the next day. I said to her that I’’m going to spend the night there tomorrow.

So much for the Gawai eve. There are nothing going on actually in our kampung but there is a thing that is going on in another kampung. In Mentung Merau. i tried to put a link. if i failed to do so, im gonna need help on that.

Day four

Today, 1st June is the Gawai day celebration for our ethnic, bidayuh. I ’celebrated’ this special day with a special thing going on in my body. I’m having my period. I’m so tired now. My back is aching; downstairs’ department is not having a good time too. Sigh. What a good way to celebrate Gawai huh. No wonder my mind keeps telling me that I’m not going to have a nice Gawai. Lol

It’s only 12 o clock and I’m writing these already. I can’t wait till I can go to somewhere I can get my pad. Lol. A drama queen in me is having a hard time here. 

* * * * *

I went to kampung earlier. First thing first, I got my pad as soon as I got off the car. Lol. Then we went to my cousin’s house. Then back home cos we are expecting my uncle to go to our ‘cribs’ later. Lol. Well, that’s just it. That’s all I do today.

Day five

Another day goes by with no highlights for me. But for my family, the highlight is yet a really huge one. The family of my late nek usu came by, all the way from asajaya. My late nek usu is a muslim by faith. He passed away at a young age. He left widow, a son and two daughters. The son looks a lot like his late father. My family was drifted away with their own feelings. I didn’t have the chance to actually meet him. All the memories that I had bout him is me sending him to the grave yard. I’ve tried hard, but that’s the only image that comes by. Sadness glooms us, but none of us let the feeling triumph it. We are so happy that they actually came to kampung. There is no need to shed our tears. Right?

My granddad was so happy when he heard bout them coming. He was speechless when he saw the son of late nek usu. He said it was as if he saw his brother in front of him again.

My late nek usu passed away because of heart attack. That’s what I heard from my mum and my aunt. It’s really sad. I never got the chance to store any memories with him. I never saw his picture before. But there is this image that lingers in my mind. This day, I got the chance to actually his son (which my mom says looks like him). And I was surprised; he resembles the image in my mind. Is this a dejavu? This image lingers in me for years!

Later today, we are going to my dad’s kampung again. One of my cousins is having a wedding on Sunday. This cousin of mine was once a bisex. She decided to move on after a few years. Good for her. We went to her house at around ten at night. I met my ex-classmate there who is also my cousin. Lots of things were updated last night. I was so out of date. 

Day six

We went back to Kuching today. We all were still tired that we actually slept in the car.

Well, that’s just it. A diary of …

On the last Saturday, I went back to my kampong (village) in Lundu. A small district next to Bau. It took around two hours to reach there by land on an average speed of 100km/h.

I did nothing much in kampong. On Sunday, woke up at eight. I then had my breakfast. Around eleven I started to prepare lunch. But my parents only come back from our ‘kebun’ at around 12.30. I then went along to our kebun to pluck lada… not sure what is it called,. Pepper if I’m not mistaken. As soon as we went back from kebun, I jumped into the so called pool to relax. The water is freezing cold. It’s from the mountain anywhere. Felt feverish after the ‘swim’. My brother threw something at my face… I’m what was it, but it scratches my lovely face. It’s not that obvious but you can see it if you look closely.

My little cousin of mine is not very fond of me though. Last time when I was in kampong, he tried to shove my brother into the fish pond. I was so pissed that I just yank him up and say that I was going to toss him into the fish pond. He was scared of me ever since.

Around 6, went back to Kuching, reached Kuching around 8. Tiring journey…

I will write some more next time.

Breaking down
Tears upon my cheek
For what I’ve done

What have I done?
What am I’m doing
With my only
Chance of living

I wished I could turn back time
To sort things out
To live a better life
To presage others bout their choices
I would never have the alternative
To go back in the precedent

But I have my second chance
To make a wiser verdict
To make this world a better place

I have sinned against Him.
Will He ever look at me again?

Shadow of my life slithering over me
I’m suffocating
This is too much
I got to be strong
For the love of my life
For the sake of my own verve
I’m not going to let my shadow triumph the conquest
I’m tough
I can do this
I won’t let my past take control of me
My past is just a speck in my life
I can’t pretend its not there
But I can make use of that fragment
To begin the journey of another

You can do that too
Take a look of your life
Make a change

It’s been a hard life for me
And I’m feeling so damn low
Have you ever been so low?
Even when you’re on a high place
And when all the people look down at you
And when your entertainment tube is filled
With images of sufferings and sadness
And when you are actually have tears on your cheeks
When you thought you are smiling
I think this is the beginning of your fall
The beginning of the end
The fall from grace
It gives you a new perspective on life
And of course, death
In time like this your life flashes in front of you they say...
This is going to be a short show
About the love you get
About the love you give
And about the love of your life
On second thought
Taking your own life won’t solve anything
You’re just delaying your time to deal with it
Life goes on...
Even when you think that you have no life
That’s life
Have faith
You will be salvaged